Generational Trauma: Meaning, Causes, Symptoms & Treatment

Healing from the past is one of the most powerful gifts you can give to yourself and your future family. Often, we find ourselves reacting to things in ways we do not fully understand.

We might feel a sudden burst of anger or a deep sense of worry that does not seem to match what is happening in the present. These feelings are often not just our own. They can be echoes of experiences that our parents or grandparents went through long ago. By learning how these emotional patterns move through a family, you can start to clear the path for a healthier and happier life. You have the ability to turn old wounds into a new story of strength and resilience.

What is Generational Trauma?

If you are wondering ‘what is generational trauma’, it is the process where emotional pain and ways of coping are passed down from one generation to the next. You can think of it like a family recipe that was never written down; everyone in the family just learned it by watching and doing. However, instead of a favourite meal, you are inheriting patterns of anxiety or struggle.

Ms Ayushi Paul, Clinical Psychologist at BetterPlace, defines generational trauma quite simply: parents learn certain behaviours from their own parents and then repeat those same patterns with you. A major misconception is that this cycle is impossible to break, but Ms Paul emphasises that you are not the same as your parents, just as they are not the same as your grandparents. It is also important to realise that this trauma is not always environmental; it is genetic and can even cause physical health issues over time.

The science behind this is very real. Researchers have found that trauma can actually change how your genes work through a process called epigenetics. Your ancestors’ difficult experiences changed how their DNA functioned, and those changes were then passed down to you. This is why some families show symptoms of stress or fear even if nothing traumatic has happened to them recently.

How Generational Trauma Works

Understanding how generational trauma works requires looking at the silent stories of our ancestors. Imagine a grandfather who survived a very difficult time but never talked about his pain. He might have raised his children with a lot of anger or emotional distance because that was how he survived. His children then grow up feeling like they have to be perfect or silent to stay safe.

Ms Paul notes that because trauma is so deep-rooted, people often do not know why it is happening. Parents might lash out with vague complaints like “why does this always happen to me” or “I married into the wrong family,” which creates a confusing message for the child. The child is left wondering if they are actually loved, eventually adapting the same maladaptive ways of loving—often feeling love and anger in extremes because that is the only way they know how to show affection.

How Generational Trauma can Develop

How generational trauma happens in many Indian families is often influenced by the joint family system, where Ms Paul observes that these patterns can become more severe. Common recurring traumas include:

• Physical and Verbal Abuse: This includes recurring physical violence and verbal lashings.
• Normalised Violence: Corporal punishment is often justified by parents saying, “I am only beating you with a belt; you don’t know what I went through,” making the child take the brunt of the parent’s past.
• Gender-Specific Expectations: For instance, a father demanding his wife or daughter behave a certain way in public.
• Obedience Patterns: A child might learn that staying quiet during challenges is the only way to be “perfect,” misidentifying silence as healthy behaviour.

Recognising Generational Trauma Symptoms

Emotional Patterns

You can look for clues in how your family handles feelings. Ms Paul suggests looking for generational trauma symptoms such as high self-criticism and chronic self-esteem issues. You might notice that family members start doubting their own emotions. A major red flag is if you feel “good and normal” with friends but suddenly feel “good for nothing” the moment you are with family.

Behavioural Signs

The way a family acts can tell you a lot about their history. Ms Paul explains that family interpersonal issues often start affecting a person’s daily life, manifesting as extreme reactions to small problems. Other signs of the generational trauma cycle include:

• Extreme Emotional Expression: Feeling love and anger only in extremes rather than a healthy middle ground.
• Maladaptive Loving: Using vague, confusing, or hurtful ways to show care.
• Physical and Verbal Outbursts: Recurring instances of violence or verbal abuse that seem to be “the norm”.
• The Silence Trap: Believing that staying quiet during conflict is a sign of a healthy family.

How Generational Trauma Works Through Family Systems

Families operate as systems where each member plays a role in maintaining the status quo – even when that status quo is dysfunctional. In traumatised family systems, you’ll often find the “identified patient” (the one who carries all the symptoms), the hero who tries to save everyone, the scapegoat who gets blamed for everything, and the invisible child who learned that disappearing means safety. Sound familiar? These roles reshuffle but rarely disappear on their own.

When trauma remains unresolved, someone eventually becomes the “breaker of the cycle”, often with the help of a clinical psychologist or a trauma-informed therapist who helps decode patterns that were previously invisible.

How to Break Generational Trauma

Families work like a team where everyone has a specific role to play. In families with trauma, these roles are often used to keep things the same even when they are painful. Ms Paul notes that children often absorb the behaviour patterns of their parents; how a parent behaves makes the child understand, for example, that they must be angry to be heard. Eventually, someone has to decide to be the “cycle breaker.”

Acknowledge the Trauma
This is often the hardest step in breaking generational trauma. Ms Paul points out that it is very difficult to accept that your family is dysfunctional. There is often deep shame involved; you might feel you cannot talk about your parents because they appear “nice” to outsiders, or you feel societal pressure to like your parents regardless of their behaviour. Ms Paul suggests a vital reframe: you do not have to hate your family; you can still love them while hating certain behaviours they exhibit.

Seek Professional Therapy
If you want to know how to stop generational trauma, professional help is often the key. Ms Paul explains that therapy helps you recognise that your family might be causing your self-doubt, especially if you feel normal in other social settings. A therapist addresses self-esteem issues and helps prevent family interpersonal problems from leaking into your daily life.

Practice Conscious Parenting
If you have children, you have a massive opportunity regarding how to heal generational trauma. Ms Paul suggests breaking the pattern of showing love through anger or extremes. Conscious parenting means stopping corporal punishment and refusing to tell your children they must “be a certain way” to be valued.

Build Emotional Awareness
Many families with trauma do not know how to talk about feelings. Start by noticing when you begin to doubt your own emotions or feel that “good for nothing” sensation triggered by family. Ms Paul encourages learning to express emotions in a balanced way rather than through extremes, effectively unlearning maladaptive ways of loving.

Create New Family Narratives
Family stories are a great way to heal. Ms Paul recommends creating distance from traumatic issues by acknowledging that while trauma can be genetic, it can be worked on. Start telling stories that celebrate healing rather than just repeating the pain. Remind yourself: “I am not my parents”.

Seek Culturally Competent Therapy
Culturally competent therapist helps you navigate the intense shame and societal pressure common in joint family systems. This specialised support allows you to address deep-rooted issues like the pressure to be “perfect” or the habit of staying quiet without feeling you are betraying your heritage. It ensures you can effectively begin breaking generational trauma while balancing love for family with the rejection of harmful behaviours.

Moving Forward

Healing from generational trauma is a long journey. Ms Paul reminds us that while trauma is deep-rooted, it is not impossible to break the cycle. The important thing is that you are now aware of what is happening. By creating distance from toxic behaviours and addressing self-esteem issues, you are changing your legacy. Every time you choose a new way of acting, you are choosing a system of health over a system of pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I break the cycle without therapy?
It is exceptionally difficult because of the “shame” and societal pressure to protect the family image. Ms Paul notes that traumatic experiences often resurface, and having a professional to help you recognise that your family is the source of certain self-doubts is crucial for deep change.

How long does it take to heal?
There is no specific timeline, especially since trauma can be both genetic and deep-rooted. However, Ms Paul assures us that generational trauma can be worked on and the cycle can be broken with consistent effort.

What are the first signs of trauma in children?
According to Ms Paul, children might start doubting their own emotions or showing high levels of self-criticism. You might notice they feel “good for nothing” or copy maladaptive habits, such as believing they must always obey to be “perfect” or learning to show love only through extreme anger.