Think Before You (Re)act: Why Are You Being Overly Reactive – And What Can You Do About It

Meet Harsh — a twenty-something business analyst from a small town in Uttar Pradesh, trying to make it big in the busy and bustling metropolis of Delhi.

Harsh is single, smart, and well-educated. Each month, he dutifully sends money back home to his parents. They’ve broken their backs to pay for his education, and now it’s time to return the favour; which he does happily. But his parents aren’t keeping too well of late. Hard times and hardened lives have taken a toll on them, and they are ageing far too quickly for Harsh’s liking.

Work isn’t exactly smooth sailing, either. Pressure and competition are constantly increasing, while Harsh’s salary seems to always stay the same.

Then there is his social life. No matter how hard he tries, he never has the time or money to do the things he wants — while all his friends, especially on social media, seem to be having the time of their lives.

End result? A bitter and brooding Harsh who, since the last few months, finds himself lashing out at everyone and being triggered by the most trivial things.

Harsh’s backstory might be different from yours, but his current state of mind resonates with millions of young Indians today. We all have our own unresolved issues, past demons, giddying ambitions, and deep-rooted insecurities that cause us to react impulsively.

In this article, let’s look at some common triggers that cause us to act out, the ill-effects of being overly reactive, and some steps we can take to counter it.

Why We Become Overly Reactive

Everyone’s built differently. In order to figure out how we can become less reactive, we need to first identify our triggers. Here are some common ones you might relate to:

Stress
Do you feel like you aren’t doing enough for your family? Is the pressure at work getting too much to bear? Money problems? Worried you will never find love no matter how much you put yourself out there?

A whopping 77% of Indians experience some form of stress regularly. So if stress is one of your triggers for acting out and reacting impulsively, know that you aren’t alone.

Social Media
Platforms like Facebook and Instagram offer a constant flow of stimuli that trigger us without us even knowing it. They force us to draw involuntary comparisons with others, question our own self-worth, and make us believe we must have an opinion about everything.

Don’t get us wrong — social media has some amazing benefits. It’s you who needs to figure out whether you’re using it to gain knowledge and build genuine connections, or are you merely wasting your time to benefit someone else while taking away nothing valuable in return.

Past Experiences or Trauma
A bad breakup, losing a loved one, being fired from your last job, going broke in an online gambling game — there are a million different reasons that can cause us to become embittered and add to our emotional baggage.

Are you still holding onto your past emotional baggage? Is that what’s causing you to lash out and react to everything? If you haven’t thought about it yet, now is the time to start.

Other People
We all want to surround ourselves with only happy and positive people. But that rarely happens. Every now and then, a rotten apple will sneak its way into our lives. An angry boss, an abusive partner, a two-faced friend — the culprit wears many hats.

At times, we know exactly who the culprit — or culprits — are. But other times we don’t. Are there any such culprits in your life? Have you figured out who they are yet?

The Ill-Effects of Reacting to Everything

Sometimes it helps to know just how much a bad habit is harming us, so we can do a better job of controlling it. That is why they have those nasty photos of rotting lungs on cigarette packs to deter smokers from lighting another stick.

Let’s look at some ill-effects of reacting impulsively in the hope that it will help us control ourselves better next time:

Reduced Efficiency
When we react to everything, we end up making bad decisions at work and at home. Our self-control and discipline go for a toss, and we give more headspace to unimportant issues while the important ones are sidelined. The end result is poor personal growth on every level.

Increased Stress and Anxiety
Impulsive reactions can sometimes cause us to feel guilty and overwhelmed, leading to higher stress levels. Over time, the stress and anxiety build up, reaching a chronic state that can further lead to personality disorders, negative self-perception, and an overall unhealthy mind.

Strained Relationships
Consistently reacting impulsively takes a real toll on our relationships with other people. Minor arguments balloon into full-blown conflicts, long-standing ties that once seemed unbreakable get severed, and, worst of all, our families end up bitter and broken.

Impact on Physical Health
The stress and anxiety caused by impulsive reactions affect not only the mind but the body as well. Chronic stress leads to a plethora of health problems like high blood pressure, insomnia, chest pain, digestive issues, lethargy, and poor immunity.

How We Can Become Less Reactive

Alright, enough gloomy talk. Now it’s time to focus on that little light of hope at the end of the tunnel. Let’s look at some practical tips we can use to become less reactive:

Practice Mindfulness
There’s that buzzword again — mindfulness! But what does it mean, really?

Mindfulness simply means being more aware of yourself and your surroundings. When you’re mindful of things, you’re able to better identify the triggers we mentioned earlier — your source of stress, whether social media is doing you more good or harm, are there any past experiences you’re holding onto, and the people in your life causing you to overreact.

So how do we become more mindful? Meditation is one sureshot way to get there. And we’re not talking about intense, hour-long sessions. Just take out five minutes or so each day, shut out the outside world, and simply focus on your breathing while trying to clear your mind. It’ll be tough at first, but stick with it and you’ll be amazed at the results. 

Pro tip: Downloading a mindful meditation app is a great way to start.

Fitness
Psst! Time for the world’s worst kept secret: Exercise is one of the absolute best ways to counter stress and exert better control over your impulsive reactions. That burst of feel-good endorphins at the end of a workout is a truly wonderful, empowering feeling. 

And fyi, by exercise we don’t mean completing the Ironman or cycling 50 kilometres a day. Just some regular activity like running, swimming, or a moderately-intense thirty minute workout should do the trick. The idea is to get your heart pumping, limbs moving, and hopefully breaking a sweat while you’re at it.

Pro-tip: If you’re feeling lazy, look up some motivational videos on YouTube. To some they might seem silly, but if you’re in a receptive mood, the right video could be just the adrenaline boost you need.

Self-Education
The next time you’re doomscrolling for hours on Instagram, maybe spend thirty minutes out of that reading up on topics like Stoicism or a self-help book. Or maybe you could even join a support group online where you meet others who share your problems.

Finding out you’re not the only one overreacting and feeling helpless about it, can be a great way to break that mental barrier and go one step further toward self-recovery.

Seek Professional Support

Just like there’s no harm in asking a friend for money or going to a doctor when you have the flu, there’s no harm in reaching out to a mental health professional when you feel like you aren’t able to tackle the problem yourself.

Mental health professionals spend years learning how the mind and body work. If there is someone who is fully equipped to help you gain control of your mind and stop reacting to everything, it’s a mental health expert. Sometimes all you need is a patient — and professional — ear.